


Private Parts

by darkin520



Category: seaQuest
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6112266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkin520/pseuds/darkin520
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after A Higher Power, Nathan and Kristin have finally declared their love for one another, but now what's holding Nathan back? And will it mean desire or disaster for our favorite couple? First season, canon, two-shot. *COMPLETE*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested, this has an accompanying fanvid: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JxtgnEmXZM

Kristin sighed heavily as she quickly changed the radio station upon hearing _Love Hurts_. She hadn't meant to be in such a foul mood, but the rain dotting her windshield wasn't helping, though it wasn't exactly the rain causing her bad mood. She hoped the new radio station would play something to help her feel more cheerful.

Unfortunately, it wasn't any better, as the announcer said, "I'd like to wish all of you a wonderful Valentine's Day weekend, and we're playing your favorite love songs all weekend long. Here's one of my favorites, and I'm sure it's one of yours."

Kristin groaned upon hearing the first lines of _Unchained Melody_ and turned the radio off. "I should have known it," she muttered to herself. Of course, had she had her way, she wouldn't be stepping foot outside her apartment, but it didn't quite work out that way. Katie was leaving Pearl tomorrow due to her new position on the _HR Clinton_ , and she'd asked her to have lunch with her. The two had become fairly close over the course of the tour, and Kristin loved her like a second daughter. There was no way she could refuse; she just wished she didn't feel so miserable.

She decided she couldn't let Katie know what was going on, though. This was Katie's last day here, so there was no reason she had to make her feel any worse than she probably already did, having to say goodbye to all of her friends. As she parked her car outside of the restaurant where Katie had agreed to meet her, she looked in the rear view mirror and tried to practice a smile.

She frowned, realizing it looked too forced and shook her head. When she thought about it, it wasn't her fault she was in such a horrible mood either. It was Nathan's. They'd spent the whole tour tiptoeing around each other, and he'd waited until the very last moment to make his move: the move she knew he'd wanted to make halfway through the tour, ever since she'd accused him of being jealous of her working with Malcolm, in fact.

However, she'd done her best to remain patient with him, knowing it had been a long time since he'd had to try to woo another woman. That patience finally paid off when they'd declared their feelings for one another. Well, perhaps not in so many words, but what they'd had on Nathan's bunk... Well, if Lucas' unfortunate goodbye present hadn't interrupted them, she was sure there would have been more words and actions that showed their devotion to one another. She blushed hotly at the thought of it now.

Still, it seemed like they were both on the same page romantically, even after _seaQuest's_ destruction. Even though it had been a horrible tragedy, he'd still been rather attentive to her. They'd even had dinner together that evening, just the two of them. He'd been hellbent on having that quiet little dinner together, and it had seemed like he still planned on pursuing a relationship with her.

But that dinner had been two weeks ago, and she hadn't heard from him since. She considered herself an extremely patient woman, and though she knew Nathan had a lot going on with the UEO and with Lucas, she still didn't think it unreasonable for him to at least have given her a phone call within that time. Was a little communication so hard? And it wasn't as though she'd never reached out to him; she'd left several messages, which he never returned. She'd tried giving him the benefit of the doubt at first, but she finally decided that was his way of letting her know he'd changed his mind. What else could it mean?

She sighed again, finally deciding that her forced smile was as good as it was going to get. She would just have to try to forget about her problems and be as cheerful as possible for Katie's sake. Then she'd be able to go back home, stuff her face with chocolate, and drown her sorrows by watching tearjerker movies. She got out of the car and ran to the door of the restaurant, which wasn't terribly crowded, and stepped inside. She immediately saw Katie sitting in the back booth, and she waved to Kristin when she saw her.

As Kristin approached the table, Katie said, "What lovely weather we're having, huh?"

She laughed softly as she sat down and waved a hand. "It's not as if you ordered it. Have you been waiting long?"

"Only about five minutes," Katie replied. "I took the liberty of ordering you some coffee; I thought you might want it to warm up."

"Thank you," she replied with a small smile as she picked up her menu. "That sounds wonderful."

__-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_ _

The meal was laced with quiet conversation, mostly about Katie's upcoming job position.

"...so the weekend will be settling into my new place, and Monday, I ship out," Katie said, taking a bite of her salad.

"I imagine you're pretty excited, though. It's always fun starting a new adventure, so to speak," Kristin replied.

"I _am_ excited, but I'm sad about leaving all of you. It won't be the same..." She reached across the table, giving her hand a squeeze. "Especially without you. We showed those men a thing or two, didn't we?"

She smiled. "Indeed, we did, dear. I'll miss you, too, but I also understand that you need to do what you feel is best. We can't stay in one place forever, and considering the future is unclear at the moment... I certainly don't blame you, and neither does anyone else. But I do hope you'll make a point to call when you have a chance."

"Of course, Doc, and I hope to visit. I'm not about to let you slip off my radar, and I expect you to invite me to the wedding."

She nearly spit coffee everywhere. "What?"

"Oh, don't play coy with me. You and the captain aren't a secret anymore, and I know the rest of the crew is thrilled about it. Everyone says you're perfect together."

She felt her cheeks grow warm as she lowered her gaze, unsure of what to say at first. When she finally found her voice, however, she said, "That means a lot to hear we have everyone's support."

A brow rose. "Oh, Doc, why would you think otherwise? You know we're like a big family, and we just want you both to be happy." She paused, eyeing her carefully. "Though I can't help but notice you don't _look_ very happy."

She shook her head. "Everything's fine, really."

"Then why do you look like you're on the verge of tears?" the younger woman pressed.

"I...I'm not." But her shaky voice betrayed her, and she knew she couldn't keep up with the charade any longer. She took a deep breath. "I just..." She felt her teeth sink into her bottom lip, debating whether or not she should come clean, but she finally decided she couldn't lie anymore. "I...I can't do this."

Katie's brow furrowed. "Doc, what do you mean?"

She shook her head sadly. "I hadn't wanted you to know, but... I'd had hopes for the captain and me, but I don't think he's as interested in me as I am in him," she said quietly, rolling her balled-up napkin in her hand.

"I don't believe it," Katie said, a hand rising to her mouth.

Now it was Kristin's turn to try to comfort the younger woman, placing a gentle hand over hers. "I just think he realized he wasn't quite ready for a serious relationship. I don't think he meant to hurt anyone..."

Katie shook her head. "That's not what I meant exactly. It's just I spoke to him yesterday at the base, and he didn't... I asked him about you two, and he never indicated anything was amiss."

"He probably didn't want to upset you," she said with a shrug. "I wish he could have told me in person he wasn't interested anymore, but it is what it is now."

"It just doesn't seem like him to do that, though. Even if he did decide he's not open to a romance, you two have always been close. You'd think he'd still want a friendship..."

"I thought the same thing, but..." She took another shaky breath. "Well, I've mulled these things over in my head a million times now; I'm just trying not to dwell on it."

"So what are you going to do now? I mean, are you going to stay here or go somewhere else? "

"I...I'm not sure. I had planned to stay in Pearl until the new _seaQuest_ was built, but...there doesn't seem to be a point in me sticking around now. I'll have to contact my research university and see if they have any leads on career opportunities. I could always go back to teaching if things get really bad, but it's not my ideal choice."

"I'm sure you're a great teacher, though," Katie said.

She smiled softly. "Thank you for the encouragement, and it's not that I don't enjoy teaching, but I'd rather have a bit more action. If I were staying here, I was going to see if I could get a position in the hospital and the labs, but... Well, as I said, I'm not sure I want to stay here now."

"I hope that whatever you do, you'll be happy," Katie told her, "though I hope you'll try to talk to the captain at least once before you leave."

She shook her head. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I don't want to make it any more painful than it has to be. I'm sure that's the very reason he hasn't spoken to me either."

"I guess," the younger woman replied sadly. "It's just too bad."

She nodded. "I'm just trying to leave it behind me. I'm fine, really. I wasn't even planning on telling you..."

Katie waved a hand. "Well, it's not your fault. I sort of dragged it out of you; I knew there was something wrong, and I wouldn't have let up until you told me." She sighed. "I'm really going to miss our talks, though."

"So will I, but you know I'm just a phone call away. I hope to hear from you once in a while."

"I _will_ be calling you often," she assured her. "And you better let me know if that number changes."

"Of course I will."

"As soon as I get to the _Clinton_ , I'll give you my personal number there; I want you to be able to call me if you need as well." She sighed. "I really hate to cut this short, but I have some errands to run before the end of the day."

"Oh, it's all right. I understand." She stood and held out her arms.

Katie hugged her. "You take care of yourself, Doc."

"You, too, dear. Call me anytime," she said again.

"I will. I'll talk to you soon."

__-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_ _

As soon as she got home, she put on her pajamas, and started her sob-fest, via the saddest movies she owned. She started with _Marley and Me_. That clearance puppy always made her sob uncontrollably, and she desperately needed a good cry. Once she'd purged all these pent-up feelings, she hoped she'd be able to put it all behind her and forget about Nathan for good. Or at least make him a distant memory. In fact, she'd settle for thinking about him half as much as she thought about him now. All she wanted was not to feel quite so miserable, and the triple chocolate fudge bomb ice cream she was eating was definitely numbing the pain.

After _Marley and Me,_ she went for _Terms of Endearment_ and yet another bowl of ice cream. Then it was _Steel Magnolias_ and even more ice cream. Kristin was in the middle of sobbing along with M'Lynn at Shelby's funeral when the vid-phone rang. She debated just not answering, but the worry it might be an emergency took over. She quickly wiped her eyes and hoped she looked decent enough. When she saw Nathan's face on the screen, her mouth dropped open in shock.

"I guess you didn't expect to hear from me," he said, "but then I don't blame you. I've been MIA for awhile, and I feel really awful about that. I was hoping you'll let me make it up to you?"

She ran a hand through her hair, realizing she must look a mess, and wondered what he thought. Then again, she didn't care at the moment. The only reason she looked the way she did was because of him. But what in the world prompted him to call on the afternoon that she just happened to tell Katie she was sure it was over between the two of them, not that they'd really gotten started? "Let me guess," she replied. "Katie went to see you?"

He nodded, giving her a sheepish look. "She was just saying goodbye, but she happened to tell me you two had lunch...and one thing led to another..."

She sighed. "I know she was trying to help, but you don't owe me any sort of explanation. I obviously made a mistake thinking we were more than friends, so please don't feel like you have to do anything for me."

"No, you don't understand, Kris. I want to be more than friends. Don't you?"

"I thought I made that perfectly clear, but in case you need me to spell it out for you, yes, I do. Or, at least, I did until..." She eyed him carefully. "I think you need to tell me why you've gone out of your way to ignore me these past couple weeks."

He hesitated for a few seconds before replying, "I...I don't really have a very good excuse. I wanted to talk to you so many times, but I was always being interrupted, what with the inquest concerning the boat's destruction and with Lucas, I've barely had time for myself... And when I did have a free moment, it was so late..."

"You could have sent an email, a fax, even a postcard," she pointed out quietly. "I just thought you'd lost interest."

"Of course not. I am still _very_ interested, and it wasn't until Katie reminded me you had no idea what was going on, I thought I'd better do something to show you."

"I left you several voice mails, you know."

He nodded. "I know, and I am so sorry I never got back to you, but I pulled some strings, and I have a whole weekend off. I was wondering if you'd like to spend it with me?"

She wanted to sing to the heavens and do a happy dance, but she suppressed the urge as a tiny voice in her head reminded her that it sounded too good to be true. "While the thought is very sweet, you know as well as I that something will come up, and they'll need you. If not the UEO, then Lucas."

"Lucas is out of town this weekend with his parents," he said with a smile. "And I've decided that there's no way the UEO can find me if I'm not in the area."

A brow rose. "What do you mean?"

"I was thinking we'd go to my island, that is if you wanted to." He held up his hands. "I'm not expecting... We'll have separate rooms..."

Kristin noticed his face turning a darker shade of pink with every word and decided to step in and rescue him. "I know what you mean," she assured him.

He looked relieved. "So what do you say?"

It seemed like he'd taken all precautions to ensure they had a full, uninterrupted weekend together. How could she refuse? She glanced to her half-melted bowl of ice cream on the table and decided that whatever Nathan had planned would definitely be better than drowning her sorrows in chocolate. "All right."

He smiled. "I promise you won't be disappointed. Uh, what do you say I pick you up around seven? I have a few things to finish up, and that should give you plenty of time to pack."

"Very well; I'll see you then," she told him before he cut the link.

__-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_ _

She instantly wished she hadn't eaten so much ice cream, suddenly feeling a bit sick, but then she decided it was just a bit of apprehension. She did her best to shake it off, though, since this was really all she wanted. And an uninterrupted weekend meant she and Nathan would be able to clear the air and discuss where they were to go from here. She cleaned up her ice cream and put the movies and box of tissues away; then she made a bee-line for the bathroom to shower.

After dressing, she decided to pack. She hadn't wanted to seem overly eager, so she kept it as casual as possible, but she debated whether or not she needed something a bit dressier. She'd been so engrossed in trying to decide what to pack and what to leave that she jumped when she heard a knock at her door. She glanced at the clock and noticed it was nearly seven and went to answer the door.

Nathan smiled at her in greeting. "You look beautiful," he said as he stepped inside.

She glanced down at the blue jeans and beige sweater she was wearing and frowned. "I'm not really dressed up. I wasn't sure what you were planning..."

"You always look beautiful, no matter what you wear. And I wasn't planning anything terribly fancy. I mean, whatever you've packed is fine. I thought I'd make us dinner tomorrow, since it is Valentine's Day, but we don't have to be overly fancy for that. Are you all packed?"

"Almost. I'm just finishing up. Just give me a few minutes."

He nodded. "Well, I am a little early, but I figure that's better than being late."

She motioned to the sofa. "Just have a seat, and I'll be right back." She ran back to the bedroom, deciding that she definitely needed a dressy outfit for the occasion. She quickly double-checked that she had everything she needed before closing her bag and carrying it to the living room. "I think I'm all set."

He stood and took her bag from her. "Great; I hope you're as excited as I am about this. I've wanted... I hope you know that I've wanted this for a long time, even if I haven't been very good about showing it."

She couldn't help but smile. "As long as it doesn't happen again, you're forgiven."

__-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_ _

It was late when they arrived on the island, but Kristin didn't mind. The trip there had been quiet; they'd spoken a bit along the way, but it was mostly an update about what they'd been up to. Naturally, Nathan told her what he could about the inquest and how Lucas was faring. However, Kristin was too embarrassed to tell him she hadn't done much save for pining away for him, so she told him she was considering what to do next as far as her career.

"You know, I'm sure if you spoke to Bill," he said, leading her up the beach to the house, "he could get you something in the labs. That is, if you wanted to."

"I hadn't..." She sighed. "I wasn't planning on leaving Pearl, but then when you didn't... When I thought you decided..."

He turned to her and pulled her close. "I hope you stay in Pearl now. I don't want to lose you." He then kissed her gently to prove his point.

She kissed him back hungrily, feeling her passion heighten.

He apparently felt the same spark because he pushed her back against the door, kissing her forcefully and then moving to trail soft kisses down the hollow of her throat, causing her to moan softly.

Suddenly, as quickly as he began, however, he stopped, looking stricken.

She bit her lip in worry and was about to ask him what was wrong when he motioned to the door. "I should...probably go secure the launch. Let me let you inside, and I'll go back and get our bags."

She simply nodded and waited for him to unlock the door. He led her to the living room and pointed down a hallway just off the side. "There's a bathroom right down there if you need. Make yourself comfortable, and I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay," she said as he quickly went back outside. She decided to go and freshen up while she waited, heading to the bathroom. Staring into the mirror, she couldn't help but heave a sigh, though. Had she done something wrong? She shook her head. She didn't think so, but then again, maybe it was all innocent. Of course, he was just being safe. "You're just being silly," she muttered to herself. "Everything's fine."

 _That look on his face, though..._ she thought with a frown. She quickly shook her head, mentally chastising herself. _Don't let your doubts ruin this weekend._ Upon hearing the front door shut, she headed back toward the living room. "Did you get everything taken care of?" she asked, trying to sound casual.

He nodded, setting the bags down on the floor for the time being. "I'm sorry if it's a little chilly in here. Let me just make a fire, and then I'm sure you're hungry. I have plenty of food in the kitchen."

She placed a hand on his arm and felt him stiffen. "Sorry," she muttered. "I didn't mean... I just wanted to let you know I could help. You don't need to do it all."

"I just thought you might like to rest, but if you're sure."

"Of course I am. How can I help with the fire?"

He motioned to a basket of old newspaper near the hearth of the fireplace. "You can start making some balls of paper while I get some kindling."

Kristin did as he'd asked, but she couldn't help but notice something was definitely different about him. He seemed colder, more stand-offish. She tried to assure herself she was just being paranoid, but when her hand brushed against his, he acted as though she'd stabbed him with a knife. "Nathan?"

"I need to go get some more firewood out of the outside shed. It won't take me long..."

"I'll go with you," she offered. "I told you I'd help."

"No, I need..." He paused, running a hand through his hair. "I won't be long. You just stay here and warm up."

Upon hearing the door slam, she crossed her arms over her chest, wondering what she'd done to make him run away from her again.


	2. Chapter 2

Several minutes later, Nathan returned, a firewood carrier in his hands filled with logs, which he set near the hearth. "That should hold us for a while."

Kristin nodded quietly, almost afraid to move or speak for fear she'd scare him off again.

"You're warm enough?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you. This was a lovely idea."

"I'm just glad we can spend some much-needed alone time together," he told her, standing up once again. "Now I'm going to see what I can do for dinner." He hesitated as though he wanted to say something else, but instead he just gave her a nod before leaving her alone in front of the fire again.

Once alone, she sighed heavily, unsure of how to relieve the tension between the two of them, and it seemed Nathan didn't either. She stood and paced in front of the fire for a few minutes when she suddenly realized nothing was going to happen unless she made the first move; she made up her mind to march into the kitchen and demand that he tell her what the problem was.

She frowned, realizing she didn't know exactly where the kitchen was, but then she decided it obviously couldn't be far. As she walked out of the living room, she noticed a patch of light coming from a doorway on the other side of the dining room. She walked towards it and stood in the doorway for a few moments, watching him.

He didn't notice her presence, obviously engrossed in his cooking. She wasn't sure what he was preparing, but it smelled delicious; she also didn't want to startle him for fear he'd burn himself, so she tried to make a bit of noise, tapping gently on the door frame.

When he looked up, he looked surprised at first, but he offered her a smile. "I was hoping you'd come find me."

A brow rose as she walked towards him. "You never said anything. You know I'd have helped you if you'd have asked."

"I just thought you'd like to rest for a bit."

She shrugged. "You keep saying that, but I'm fine, really." She motioned to the food. "It smells amazing. What is it you're making?"

"I can do some unique things with canned goods," he said. "It's sort of my specialty, though it doesn't really have an official name. We'll call it Pasta Ala Bridger. It's pasta with canned vegetables, chicken, and the ever-important spices that are my secret. We'll go shopping for some real food tomorrow, if that's all right. As you might imagine, I don't keep fresh foods lying around since I never know when I'll be back to use them."

"That's understandable. And it's perfectly all right with me." She paused, glancing around. "Is there anything I can help with?"

"Not really. Dinner should be ready in about five minutes. I thought it would be nice to eat in front of the fireplace; what do you think?"

"That sounds wonderful," she replied. "Um, can I get out the plates and silverware?"

"Oh, sure." He nodded towards the cabinets. "Plates are in the far one on the left, glasses next to that, and silverware is in the drawer right below."

She moved to get out plates, but when she moved back to set them on the counter, Nathan had moved to get a spoon, and they bumped into each other.

"Sorry!" they both said at once.

"I should have told you I was behind you," he said sheepishly.

"It's all right. No harm done," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He gently removed her hand and went to get the spoon he needed. "I need to finish dinner."

"Are you angry with me?" She hadn't meant to blurt it out quite like that, but she couldn't hold back any longer.

"No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

"I can't help but notice you seem a bit uncomfortable. Every time we get close, you look like you're ready to run."

He moved towards her. "I...I'm sorry. I never meant..." He sighed. "I just want to make sure everything's perfect, and I guess I was just so caught up in worrying about not making a mistake that I..." He kissed her softly. "I'm sorry I made you think I was upset with you. Far from it."

"I can't say I'm not relieved to hear that. But you needn't be so worried about perfection. I already think things are perfect. We're here together; let's just make the most of us and see where it takes us, hm?"

"You're absolutely right," he said with a nod. "Now what do you say we eat?"

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

"That was the best meal I've had in ages," Kristin said as she finished her last bite and then wiped her mouth with a napkin.

"Now I know you're just saying that to be nice," Nathan replied. "Surely, you've had better meals than this lately."

"It's the company that makes it rank up top," she assured him with a smile, nodding towards his empty plate. "And since you did the cooking, the least I can do is the cleaning up."

He shook his head. "You're a guest. I can't expect you to-"

She placed a finger to his lips. "I told you I want to help."

"At least let me dry," he offered.

"Oh, all right," she replied. "Especially since I know you won't stop until I give in. You're very stubborn, you know." She turned to walk towards the kitchen as he followed behind her.

"I think that's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think? You're just as stubborn, if not more."

She turned back to him with a grin. "Don't tell me we're really going to argue about which of us is more stubborn. How about we call it a wash? I don't want this weekend to be ruined by arguing."

"Sorry," he muttered. "I wasn't trying... I was just pointing out..."

Kristin nearly burst out laughing at how agitated he'd suddenly become and placed the dirty dishes in the sink before walking to him. "Nathan, it's all right. I know you were just making a true statement, and I'll give you that we are both incredibly stubborn. I guess that's one thing we have in common." She placed a hand on his cheek. "You don't think I'm upset with you, do you?"

He shook his head, but she couldn't help but notice how red his face became. "Uh, the dish soap and sponges are under the sink...unless you'd like me to do the washing and you can do the drying..."

She turned back to the sink. "No, I said I'd do the cleaning, and I meant it. Besides, it won't take long."

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

After the last dish was dried and put away, Nathan took her hand and led her back to the living room, where they sat on the sofa, but tension seemed to flood the room again. Kristin decided to try and break the ice a bit.

"Uh, so," she began awkwardly, "we haven't really discussed what both of us hopes to get from this relationship."

A brow rose. "I'm not really into casual romances. I hadn't planned on... I was hoping... I don't plan on ending it any time soon...that is, unless you're looking for a short-term thing?"

She shook her head. "I'd rather not. At my age, I think I'm a little too old for the casual scene. I was hoping for something more permanent. Not necessarily marriage, but I don't want to break up in the next couple of months either."

He smiled softly. "I'm glad to hear you say that...because I'm hoping we're together for quite a long time." He pulled her close to him and kissed her tenderly to prove his point. "When did you know?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

She knew exactly what he meant; he wanted to know when she'd fallen in love with him. In reality, she loved him the moment she met him but hadn't admitted it to herself. That didn't come until later. She stared into his eyes. "I'd say it was when I saw you put morals over the military," she told him.

He smiled softly. "You mean when I refused the order to take down Max Scully's whaling ship?"

She nodded. "It was harder than you know for me to say goodbye, but I was relieved when it was only temporary."

"So was I," he replied. "You're part of the reason I came back, you know?"

A brow rose. "I...I was? I thought you'd returned because you'd had a job to do? And to teach Lucas a lesson?"

"That was part of it, but you were the rest."

She blushed slightly. "Is that when you knew?"

"When I knew or when I started to believe it?" He shrugged. "It took me a while to be honest with myself about that. As the song goes, you had me from hello."

"You never said anything."

"Neither did you," he pointed out. "And I wasn't sure the feeling was reciprocal. But I didn't really admit it to myself until you'd gone to Malcolm's island. and the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head."

"If I'd have known you were interested, I would have never..." She sighed. "I hadn't known you'd wanted more than a friendship then, but Malcolm was... He wasn't you."

"I was very relieved when you sent him on his merry way," he confirmed, brushing her hair behind her shoulder. "Can I kiss you again?"

She laughed softly. "You never need to ask," she replied, moving closer and offering him her lips.

He eagerly closed the gap, and neither of them wanted to stop. They began exploring with their hands, and suddenly, it was just like the night they'd been on Nathan's bunk. Except this time, there was no risk of anyone interrupting.

Nathan gently nibbled on Kristin's earlobe while she started unbuttoning his shirt. He then began to ease her sweater up her torso as he found her lips again. After a brief moment, he suddenly pulled away, gasping for breath.

Kristin assumed it was just that his need to breathe outweighed his desire for a brief moment, so she moved to softly kiss his neck. But he placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed away before standing. It was then that she noticed his face was etched with worry, and his eyes were glassy, almost as if he were on the verge of tears. "Nathan?" she choked out in concern as she moved towards him.

He put his hands up and took a step back. "I just... I need..." He ran a shaky hand through his hair and nodded his head to their bags, which were still sitting near the front door. "I never did bring those upstairs; I should probably do that..."

Before she could utter another word, he grabbed their bags and bounded up the stairs, leaving her cold and alone. She felt like sobbing, since she had no idea what in the world happened. Why did he seem so frightened? Had she been too aggressive? She bit her lip, thinking for a moment.

She shook her head, as if answering her own question. He'd been just as eager as she was; or at least she thought. Yet again, he acted as though she'd hurt him. Did he suddenly have regrets? She sighed, deciding she needed answers. He'd been upstairs for several minutes anyway. She expected he was avoiding her. She quietly made her way up to the top of the stairs, noticing a path of light coming from a room down the hall; she walked towards the room and saw him sitting on the bed, his head in his hands.

"Nathan?" she said, moving towards him.

He held up a hand. "I...I'm sorry; I just need..." He sighed. "Your room's right across the hall. Maybe we should call it a night? I'm really tired, and I'm sure you are as well."

"Nathan, please, don't shut me out," she said quietly.

He shook his head. "I don't... I can't talk right now. I'm sorry; I just can't."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "So that's it then?"

"I just need some time to think."

"I don't understand what there is to think about. Did...did I do something wrong? I-"

"N-no, it's nothing like that. You...you didn't do anything. It...it's me." He motioned to the door again. "We'll talk in the morning, okay?"

Kristin didn't quite like that answer, though. Not that she'd had a lot of relationships since she and her ex-husband divorced, but there was one mistake she was hellbent on never making again: allowing another man to shut her out the way her ex had done. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes at the memory of it all, and she decided she was not going to slink away and leave Nathan to his own devices until she knew what the problem was. "Nathan, please talk to me," she begged, swallowing hard to suppress the cry that threatened to escape.

"I...I can't, Kris; not right now. I need you to understand..."

"No, _you_ don't understand, Nathan!" she cried, finally losing the battle with the tears that rolled down her cheeks. "Charles did that to me, and I'll be damned if I'm going to allow it from _you_! I'll be glad to leave you with your thoughts as soon as I know what the problem is." She brushed the tears from her cheeks with her hands, softening a bit. "Please? If you're serious about a relationship, then we need to be honest with one another." She cautiously approached the bed, pleased he didn't make any attempt to move away from her. She then sat next to him and put a hand over his. "You don't need to be afraid. Maybe I can help? Have...have you changed your mind about us? I thought you wanted this?"

"I...I do, but every time... Whenever we..." He shifted uncomfortably, wringing his hands together.

Kristin could feel him trembling, so she rubbed his arm, trying to put him at ease. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad," she whispered.

He took a deep breath before speaking again, "You're the first woman since Carol that I've had feelings for..."

"I already told you we can move as slow or as fast as we need. I...I understand, Nathan. If you have any doubts that I'm upset, know that I'm not. I just want you to tell me when it's too much for you."

"You don't understand," he replied, sighing. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I don't want to hurt you."

Her eyebrows knitted together. "Hurt me? You weren't hurting me. Why would you think you were?"

He shook his head. "No, I didn't mean now. I meant later...in the future. I...I've never told anyone this, but Carol... When she got sick, it...it had happened so fast." He shuddered at the memory. "But she had begged me to help her, to get her to a doctor. Don't you see? She had depended on me to help her, and I...I couldn't do it. She...she lost her life because of me, and I..." He looked at her with red-rimmed eyes. "I don't want that to happen to you."

She squeezed his hand. "Nathan, what happened with Carol... No matter what you think, that wasn't your fault. There wasn't any way you could have-"

"I appreciate your certainty, but I'm not sure that's true. You weren't there; you didn't see the look in her eyes when..." He trailed off, wiping at his eyes. "I just worry you could end up in the same situation, and you'd be depending on me... And I wouldn't be able to help you. Maybe...maybe you should go, save yourself. It might already be too late, but you might stand a better chance now if-"

"Would you listen to yourself?" she blurted out in shock, shaking her head. "Do you really think Carol blamed you?"

"Her fever was so high... She was delirious," he said quietly. "The closer she got to death, the less she made sense..."

"All the more reason that it wasn't your fault. It's not as if you gave her the illness that killed her."

"But I brought her here. If we'd have stayed in Pearl... After we lost Bobby, I'm the one who told her I had to get away. And she gave in, left everything she loved. The day she got sick, there was a terrible storm. I couldn't even get her off this damn island to get her some proper help. The decisions I made are what killed her. I'm cursed."

She sighed. "I refuse to believe that. I know I didn't know her, but if she didn't want to do something, would she?"

His brow furrowed. "What?"

"If she had really wanted to stay in Pearl, would she have moved here?"

He shrugged. "I'm not... She never really argued when I told her I needed to get away. In fact, she'd agreed."

"So she wanted to leave just as badly as you did?"

"I suppose..."

"And if Carol had known what would happen to her, do you think that would have changed anything?"

"Kristin, I don't see what-"

"Just answer the question," she urged gently. "Do you really think that would have stopped her from dating you, marrying you, living her life with you?"

There was a long pause before he answered, "No."

She nodded. "I didn't think so. What happened was unfortunate, but it wasn't your fault or her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was just...life. And I'm not going to let the fact that you may or may not be cursed stop me either. If my life is nearing its end, so be it. I want to live my last days with you. I'm happy. And I wouldn't change the fact I know you for anything." She paused, kissing his cheek gently. "But...I also love you enough that I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do. So if you feel it's better we're not together... Well, I'd leave you be if you asked me to." She felt a wave of sadness wash over her at the thought of never seeing him again, but she tried to force it away for the time being. She took a deep breath. "Now it's time for me to hold up my end of the bargain. I promised I'd leave you alone once I knew what the problem was, and I said my piece. Now I suppose you need to be alone to make your decision. When...when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me."

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Once in her room, Kristin shut the door behind her and broke down. She'd been trying to hold it in, but the thought of actually having to start over again... It was very overwhelming. She loved Nathan with all her heart, and she had meant it when she said she could let him go if he wanted her to do so, but it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt her. Blinded by tears, she somehow made her way towards the bed and buried her face in the comforter, the thought of never seeing him again cutting her to the core.

After several minutes, she pushed herself up, deciding she ought to at least attempt to get some sleep, especially if she was leaving in the morning. She noticed her bag sitting on a chair in the corner of the room and quickly searched through it to find her nightgown. She then undressed and slipped it on before climbing under the covers.

Though she had ever intention of going right to sleep and trying to forget everything else, her intentions quickly fell by the wayside when she started thinking of never seeing Nathan again. She cried softly into her pillow, feeling lost and alone. She was so busy wallowing in self-pity, she never heard the door open. In fact, she had no idea she wasn't alone until she felt Nathan's hands on her shoulders.

"Kris? Please, don't cry, sweetheart."

"It...it's not your fault," she choked out. "I told you I was prepared to leave...and I meant it. I'm sad about it, but I'll heal..."

He lay in the spot next to her and pulled her into his arms. "Shh," he soothed, gently rubbing her back. "You don't need to leave."

She looked up at him. "What?"

"I don't want you to go," he said again. "I...I thought about what you said, and you're right. I was just letting my insecurities get the better of me. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

She buried her head in his chest. "It's all right. As long as you promise you'll be honest with me from now on."

"Always," he promised. "I'll never hide anything from you again. I love you, Kristin."

"I love you, too," she replied, moving to kiss his lips softly. "Now why don't we get some sleep?"

He frowned. "Already? I was hoping for a little more..." He kissed her again. "Of that. That is, if you want. And perhaps..." He whispered softly in her ear.

She laughed, blushing hotly. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I think it's time, don't you? I don't think we should put it off any longer. After all, we never know what tomorrow might bring."

She pressed her lips to his. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care."


End file.
